Frightening lack of awareness, yes, which is why I’m sharing this story, despite the fact that doing so is subjecting myself to comments like yours. I need people to know what I didn’t know, and to see a side of dog adoption that I didn’t know, and to make better decisions than I did.

But to say that I had a lack of compassion is cruel. You’re right, I did have to try to rationalize killing my dog by suggesting she understood, because otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself.

When it comes down to it, “fulfilling my obligations” to this animal would have required the following:

1. I would have had to literally BECOME a dog trainer to deal with the plethora of issues she had (only a handful of the most severe of her issues are mentioned in the story). I would have had to do enough research and get enough training that I would know what to do, to know her nonverbal cues, and to know exactly how to respond to them instinctively.
2. I would have had to train the five other members of my family to be as vigilant and knowledgeable as me, otherwise it was very likely someone would get hurt. (How well do you think a 6-year-old would do with recognizing a dog’s nonverbal cues and handling her well enough to prevent an attack?)
3. I would have had to post warning signs outside my house instructing people not to come to the door. (What if my 6-year-old forgot and opened the door and Kona attacked an innocent passerby? And how would my 6-year-old feel about having to watch that happen and knowing she was the one who made that mistake?)
4. I would have had to tell my extended family that they could not visit for a few years, and tell them we couldn’t visit them either, because the dog could not be left in the care of anyone else.
5. I would have had to quit my job, in order to give this dog the amount of care, attention, and training she needed, and in order to give myself enough mental space to work with her without quadrupling my own anxiety.
6. I would have had to cancel any travel, and avoid any family activities that lasted more than 4–5 hours at a time for at least a few years.
7. Could I have paid a dog trainer to do these things? Yes, but then I would have had to work MORE hours and then would not have had the time or mental energy to give Kona the reinforcement she would have needed at home to make sure the training stuck.

Do you (or anyone else, for that matter) have any ideas for me as to how I could have “fulfilled my obligation” to Kona and my family without doing any of the above? Any other options other than the one I chose and the ones listed above? Because I lived with that dog, and I can promise you that every single item I listed would have been absolutely necessary, and that’s why I made the painful decision I made.

I’m sorry if I’m not compassionate enough for you, but I wish that people would try to walk a mile in my shoes before judging me. I know very, very few people who would be able to do all of the things I listed above. If I had known even one person who could have done all of that, I would have given Kona to them in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, I was not that person.