I Thought Sharing My Anxiety With My Kids Made Me a Bad Mother. I Was Wrong.
How I learned that sharing my vulnerability could make me stronger.
It was raining outside, and I was sitting in the driver’s seat of my minivan, parked outside of a high school, waiting for my son to finish up with his robotics team meeting.
My three little girls were bouncing around in the backseats, creating a cheerful ruckus that made the van sway slightly with every thump and bump. They weren’t doing anything wrong, but after a few minutes the noise and commotion made my heart rate start to rise. I felt twitchy, and I had the sudden urge to yell, or to jump out of the car, or to drive the car into a brick wall.
Yeah, that’s not healthy.
It became clear to me that my anxiety was getting the best of me, and my inner battle began. It started with my Rational Mom Brain, who, fortunately, was still functioning well enough to be part of the conversation.
Don’t yell at them. They’re not doing anything wrong. They’re having fun. They could be fighting. Just let them be, they’re kids.
And then Anxiety chimed in.
This is ridiculous! You’re cooped up in a car with maniacs! Make it stop! Make it STOP!!!
The two sides battled back and forth, and as anyone prone to anxiety knows, Anxiety is a formidable contender in such a battle, because when it faces resistance, it just gets stronger.
I tried some deep breathing exercises to see if I could get knock Anxiety back down a few notches, when suddenly I realized there was a third option.
I could ask for what I needed.
Anxiety, of course, had an opinion about that idea too.
They’re kids! What are they going to do about it? Probably just make more noise. C’mon, let’s just YELL at them!
Rational Mom Brain threw in her two cents as well.
It’s not right for us as parents to put the burden of our feelings on our children. It’s not up to them to ‘fix’ us. This isn’t their problem.
I thanked both sides for their input, considered both opinions briefly, and decided to throw caution to the wind and give the third…
